Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
