You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
