Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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