He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
