So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
