I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
