he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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