careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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