for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
