Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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