haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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