So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
