i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
