I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
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I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
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Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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