Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think a kid would responsible me up
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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