He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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