I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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