Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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