Your mouth is God's brothel.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
