I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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