my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
