one two three fourrrrnication!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
