if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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