just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
