its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
