Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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