I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
