this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
