You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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