I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
