well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
