I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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