You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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