so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
