How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
