my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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