Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
