Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
