thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
