Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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