ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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