Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
