Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Randomize