good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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