I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
