I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
