I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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