new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
