It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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