That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
