don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
