Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
