The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
