I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
