I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
