I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
