Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
