I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
need another drink. this is the easiest way
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
