Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
