he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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