Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
