just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
