Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
